While Kyouya was Away
by Almost Lucid
Summary: To relieve Kyouya’s stress, the Host Club ships him off to Honolulu during his sleep. A day without Kyouya, Tamaki accepts an offer to allow the Host Club to be filmed for a reality show. The Host Club tells all and comments on anything and everything.
1. Host Club under Vigilance

**While Kyouya was Away**

Description- To relieve Kyouya's stress, the Host Club ships him off to Honolulu during his sleep. A day without Kyouya, Tamaki accepts an offer to allow the Host Club to be filmed for a reality show. The Host Club tells all. Warning: possible ooc-ness

Genre- Humor

Rated T for Suggestive themes, Course language

Reader's guide-

**-(CHARACTER NAME(S))-**_indicates that whoever's name is in the parenthesis is giving a commentary to the camera. This will appear throughout the story, think Reality TV shows. _

_(When there are two characters in the parenthesis, the first letter of their name will be put before their comment for the sake of flow.)_

_**(E) **Indicates the end of the commentary._

… _Between paragraphs or dialogue_ _indicates a change in scene or passing of time._

**…**

**Chapter 1-**

_Host Club under Vigilance_

**…**

The Host club is outside in the field. They have to keep fit, as Tamaki says. They were playing 4 on 3 baseball. Tamaki's team of Haruhi and Kyouya, took the bat for the first round while the twins and the cousins pitched.

"Bet you can't hit a home run," Hikaru and Kaoru challenge.

"Just watch!" Tamaki prepared himself on the plate. Mori pitched a fast ball and Tamaki hit it with all the force he can gather. The ball flew 130 miles per hour in the sky. Tamaki ran from base to base. Before Queen's "We are the Champions" can finish playing in Tamaki's mind, a loud crash sounded throughout the field.

Kyouya twitches.

"That was the Third Music room, wasn't it?" Tamaki rubs the back of his neck sheepishly.

**…**

The janitors carried away the broken air conditioner in which Tamaki's hit bore a hole through.

"Great we don't have an air conditioner now," Hikaru whispers to Kaoru.

"I know, and he had to pick the summer time to break it too," Kaoru whispers back.

Having amazing ears, he gathered all the sound particles coming out from the twin's mouths. He was in his crouching position, poking at the floor guiltily. Then he looked over at Kyouya who was shaking away his throbbing migraine with each passing second. Money for the damage _is_ coming from the Host Club's budget after all.

**…**

_The next day…_

**…**

Bad news accumulates. Construction of the new race track just finished. An opening ceremony drew in seventy-five percent of the Host Club's customers. The remaining twenty-five percent ran out, unable to stand the heat without the air conditioner.

Tamaki stares out the window and sighs. The racer in the event turned out to be quite an attractive man. That was probably why all their customers left to see him race.

Out of absolute jadedness, the twins flipped through Kyouya's handy-dandy notes.

"Are you sure that's him?" Kaoru's eyes widened a bit.

"Wow, I can't believe that racer guy is the same person who used to collect stamps and go to 'Star Wars' conventions during his spare time…"

**…**

"Listen everyone, I feel really bad about what happened," Tamaki began. "I feel especially bad for causing so much stress to our dear friend Kyouya. So I was thinking, how about we send him off to Honolulu to relax?"

"Kyou-chan _does_ seem to be getting some white hair," Honey adds apprehensively.

"I heard his dad is pressuring him give up the Host Club too," the twins inform.

"I do remember seeing him carry a pack of Tylenol in his pocket," Haruhi recalls.

"So do we all agree?" Tamaki asks for confirmation. Everyone nods. "Okay, Saturday morning, we all meet up at Kyouya's house at 8 in the morning. He should be deep asleep at that time."

**…**

_Saturday morning…_

**…**

After briefly explaining their plan to Kyouya's dad, he agreed to follow with the plan. Mori carried Kyouya on his back and carefully brought him onto a private jet plane. Just in case, they stuck some ear plugs in his ears.

The group watched the jet plane take off to Hawaii. Tamaki and the twins waved a handkerchief in the air. "Have a safe trip!"

**…**

_Honolulu, Hawaii_

**…**

Kyouya awakens to the Hawaiian sun beating down on his face.

"Where am I?" he props himself on his elbows. Hearing the crimpling of paper, he looks down at his abdomen. There it was, a piece of paper scotch taped to his shirt. He peeled it off and held it in front of his face. At least his glasses were on…

It was a note from Tamaki

_Kyouya, you're in Honolulu. You should take a few days off. Don't worry, I have everything under control!_ (Smiley face)

_You don't have to thank us!_

_-Tamaki_

Somehow he can't help worrying.

**…**

_Host Club- Monday_

**…**

Today was a bit better than the other days. At least a few customers came in (although they left a few minutes later).

"Ah…it's so boring!" Hikaru grumbles.

"I wish something new would happen," Kaoru said off the top of his head.

Crashing noises sounded beyond the Third Music Room doors. The Host Club goes out to investigate. On the floor were two students laying stomach down. On the bottom was a skinny, glasses clad boy. On top was a chubby boy with a pony-tail. On his back was a video camera. The two were tangled in cords. The Host Club helped them into the Third Music Room.

"Are you okay?" Tamaki asks, while Hikaru and Kaoru bring them a cup of tea to calm down.

"Yea," the two of them answer, with their hands placed upon their knees, heads looking down. They gave each other brief glances. The one with the glasses nudged the one with the ponytail with his elbow. The one with the pony tail nudges him back.

Before they can go all out on nudging war, Tamaki interrupts. "Is there anything we can do for you?"

The ponytail boy gave the glasses boy one last nudge, and the glasses boy stood up. "My name is Baba Doi—"

The twins burst out laughing. "Baba Doi!? Who in the right mind would name their child Baba Doi?" The twins roll around on the floor.

Baba Doi blushes in embarrassment. He thought he was used to it by now. "This is Uno Ton…"

"Haha, Uno ton?! Was your dad Spanish? Ahaha…One ton's your weight?" Hikaru mocks.

"One ton, hah, that sounds like wonton!" Kaoru laughs.

"Ahem," Tamaki coughs.

"Anyways, we're from the new Television Club—"

"Television club? I've never heard of it," Honey adds.

"You two are the only ones in the television club?" Haruhi asks.

The two of them nods. _They didn't come here to be ridiculed…_ "We just wanted to ask the Host Club if we can film them for a reality TV show…"

"Ahaha, Baba Doi and Uno Ton…" The twins were still at it… "Is your friend 'Ollie Tabooger'?" They were clutching their sides, laughing hysterically.

"I'm so sorry about them, we'll accept." Tamaki assures feeling bad for the humiliated pair. He felt like they came in for help and the Host Club exploited them with mockeries.

"What, are you serious my Lord?" the twins turned serious.

"Would Kyou-chan agree to it…?" Honey looked over to Mori.

"What's the worst that can happen? This is final. We're accepting it," Tamaki ends the discussion.

**-(Suoh Tamaki)-**

"So, we're supposed to comment on stuff in front of the camera. Well, the Host Club loves to help other people, so I don't mind helping a new club develop. Anyways, do you think my three quarters face looks better on camera or does my profile look better?"_**(E)**_

**-(Fujioka Haruhi)-**

"I don't know what I'm supposed to say here…I have a bad feeling about this though. I don't know what Tamaki-sempai is thinking…"_**(E)**_

**-(Hitachiin Hikaru, Hitachiin Kaoru)-**

**K- **"The Lord is once again using us to fulfill his empathy."

**H-** "And so he can indulge in his narcissism."

**K,H-** "He's a camera whore."_**(E)**_

**-(Haninozuka Mitsukuni)-**

"Tama-chan is really considerate, ne?"_**(E)**_

**-(Morinozuka Takashi)-**

"… (refuses to speak)…"_**(E)**_

**…**

The camera zooms on the newly set up air conditioner.

"Finally, our customers can come back in…" Tamaki places his hands on his hips standing proudly in front of the new air conditioner.

"Ah, it's nice and strong," the twins comment.

"We could have just switched to using a fan, and kept the windows open…it would be better for the ozone…" Haruhi proposes. Tamaki pets her on the head understandingly.

**-(Suoh Tamaki)-**

"Haruhi is poor. The least we can do is to provide he**—**him with an air conditioned room, since he probably lacks one in his household…"_**(E)**_

The customers began to file in again.

"Princess, I would die if you didn't come again! How I missed you," Tamaki holds the customer's hands, making her blush.

**-(Suoh Tamaki)-**

"I developed the Host Club to make our female customers happy. I mean every word that I say! Cynically speaking, I probably would die if my customers didn't come back—Kyouya might just kill me. I _was_ the one who broke the air conditioner in the first place…"_**(E)**_

"You have something on your face," Haruhi gently wipes off some dirt from her customer's face.

"A-arigatou," the customer blushed getting flustered.

**-(Fujioka Haruhi)-**

"My involvement in this club was entirely by accident. I broke an $80,000 vase. I'm working off that debt now. I guess it's not so bad. It's pretty interesting hearing these girls talk…"_**(E)**_

"Kaoru's so naughty," Hikaru says to the customers.

"I'm not!" Kaoru frowns.

"Remember what happened last night in the showers?" Hikaru brushes his chin with his fingers suggestively.

"Hikaru, I thought we agreed not to mention that again!"

"MOE!! Forbidden brotherly love!" the customers squeal. One customer almost fainted…

**-(Hitachiin Hikaru, Hitachiin Kaoru)-**

**K-** "We're not really lying…"

**H-** "Something _did_ happen in the showers last night…"

**K- **"Don't say it Hikaru…"

**H-** "I was taking a shower, and Kaoru came in to pee, but he forgot to flush the toilet."_**(E)**_

"Takashi-kun, where's Honey-kun?" the customers ask.

"G'afternoon, I just had my afternoon nap," Honey walked out rubbing his eyes groggily.

"He's so cute!" the customers whisper to each other.

"Ah? Where's Bun-bun-chan?" Honey looks around for his pink bunny, his eyes welling with tears.

"Mitsukuni, here," Mori hands the pink bunny to him.

"Arigatou Takashi!"

"It's so cute!!!!" the customers shriek delightfully.

**-(Haninozuka Mitsukuni, Morinozuka Takashi)-**

**M- **"Bun-bun-chan is my favorite. He's cute, ne, Takashi?"

**T-** "Aa."_**(E)**_

**-(Baba Doi, Uno Ton)-**

**D-** "I'm the main controller. I do all the editing and stuff like that."

**T- **"I'm the one that follows the Host Club around and films them."

**D-** "My first impression? They're a bunch of insensitive fools."

**T-** "AND they implied that I'm fat!"

**D-** "You _are_ rather fat…"

**T-** "… (Glares)…"_**(E)**_

**…**

**A/N-**

First I want to explain that the names Baba Doi and Uno Ton are generated from a list of Japanese names. It just so happened that these two names are mismatched (by me), and sounds kind of funny (If that's _really_ your name; I'm sorry for offending you).

This is my latest attempt at comedy, and I hope readers will continue to read this story. It is all planned out already. It's a short story of about 6 chapters. The updates shouldn't take long, because my summer vacation is starting after another day.

Once again, a warning: there may be some ooc-ness later on in the story; but it is all for the sake of humor!

Stay tuned for chapter 2- Hitachiins versus Individuality.


	2. Hitachiins versus Individuality

**…**

**Chapter 2-**

_Hitachiins versus Individuality_

**…**

_Class 1-A_

The camera focused on the teacher standing in the front of the room.

"I'm assigning a project. I will divide the class in groups of 3. Since our class doesn't divide entirely into groups of three, I will allow Hitachiin Hikaru and Kaoru to work with each other without the third member." The teacher announces monotonously.

**-(Hitachiin Hikaru, Hitachiin Kaoru)-**

**H- **"Can you believe this is the third time he's ever done this?"

**K-** "I don't get what's so hard about dividing the project to 4 people each. There are 20 students in our class."

**H-** "Whenever there's a three person-team-project, we always end up working in a two-person-team."

**K-** "And people wonder why we don't open up 'our world'…" _**(E)**_

The Host Club was doing business outside for the day. Then some genius suggested a three-legged race. (That genius namely Tamaki)

"The teams _are_: Mori-sempai and Honey-sempai; Hitachiins; and last but not least, Haruhi and I.," Tamaki states.

"I'm going to pair with Haruhi," Hikaru pulls Haruhi towards him.

"No, you're pairing with Kaoru. _I'm_ pairing with Haruhi," Tamaki insisted, pulling Haruhi back.

"No, _I'm_ pairing with Haruhi," Hikaru persists. For the next 5 minutes, Hikaru and Tamaki went all out on a tug of war, with Haruhi as the rope.

Cameraman Ton carries the camera towards them.

"Hey, why don't Haruhi pair up with Hani—their height difference isn't that big. If Hani paired with Mori, it'll be very disadvantageous…" the cameraman suggests.

"Who asked you?" Hikaru snapped.

"Fatty." Kaoru magnifies the situation.

**-(Uno Ton, Baba Doi)-**

**T-** "(Crying)"

**D-** "It's okay man, (pets back soothingly)"

**T-** "No! (Sniffles) It's not okay! I was trying to help and they said I was morbidly obese!"

**D-** "I thought he just called you 'fatty'…" _**(E)**_

**-(Hitachiin Hikaru, Hitachiin Kaoru)-**

**H-** "Did you catch that part where the Lord referred to Kaoru and me as simply, 'Hitachiins'?"

_(Rewind)_ _"The teams are: Mori-sempai and Honey-sempai; Hitachiins; and last but not least, Haruhi and I…."_

**K-** "Is it _that_ tedious to say Hikaru and Kaoru over Hitachiins?"

**H-** "That wasn't the only time. Remember when he called us _'…homo-side characters…'_?" _**(E)**_

**…**

Hikaru leaned against a wall in the Third Music Room, occasionally greeting customers as they came in. Not one—not even the Host Club members—went by Hikaru without asking, "Where's Kaoru?"

_Meanwhile…_

Kaoru was at the nurse's office, dropping eye drops in his eyes to relieve its irritation. He walks out eyes still watery.

"Hey, isn't that Kaoru?" he hears a female voice whispering.

"Where's his brother?" a second female voice whispers back.

"Oh my God, he looks like he's crying!" the first one gasps.

"He must be fighting with Hikaru," the second one murmurs forlornly.

**-(Hitachiin Hikaru, Hitachiin Kaoru)-**

**H-** "Why do people make such a big deal out of seeing only one of us?"

**K-** "We're twins, NOT Siamese twins. We're not attached by the hip."

**H-** "What we did today was a little experiment to prove people's one-track minds."

**K-** "Let me give you an example of what happened today…"

_Flashback…_

_Kaoru was at the bathroom, standing in front of a urinal. A random guy comes in and uses the one next Kaoru's._

"_Hey where's the other twin?"_

**H-** "Are you sure he was referring to me and not your…"

**K-** "That was very inappropriate—"

**H- **"I'm sorry, that was very improper of me…Can we…can we cut that part out?" _**(E)**_

**-(Suoh Tamaki)-**

"For as long as I know, the two of them (_Hikaru and Kaoru_) have always been attached to each other. I, on the other hand have always been independent—just like Haruhi. Yes of course, that's why I'm her dad. Speaking of which, I wonder how mom's doing in Honolulu…" _**(E)**_

**…**

_Meanwhile in Honolulu…_

**…**

The setting sun casts a warm glow on the golden sand. The sky was a palette of purples yellows, and oranges. The foamy white waves crash gently onto the shore, reaching higher up the beach each time. A quiet breeze sweeps through the air, and teases the senses.

Couples sit on the warm sand, appreciating the natural romantic atmosphere.

_Just don't expect Kyouya to be there with them…_

Kyouya sat in front of his personal laptop, reaching his information sources through the internet. Currently he is being updated on the affairs of the Host Club from an unnamed source.

Kyouya clutches his forehead. "Reality show, of all the things…"

**…**

**-(Haninozuka Mitsukuni)-**

"Hikaru and Kaoru have only recently opened up a little…" _**(E)**_

**-(Hitachiin Hikaru, Hitachiin Kaoru)-**

**H-** "Other than the members of the Host Club, other people have trouble telling us apart."

**K-** "They completely overlook our individual personalities."

**H-** "We're quite different."

**K-** "Yea, just because Hikaru has a bad temper doesn't mean I have a bad temper…"

**H-** "Just because Kaoru thinks there's a monster under the bed, doesn't mean I think that…"

**K-** "Just because Hikaru drools in his sleep doesn't mean I do…"

**H-** "You drool in your sleep, Kaoru."

**K-** "No, you do. There was a whole lake underneath you…"

**H-** "(Glares.)"

The two begins to through stuff at each other—from paper balls, to chairs, to forks.

**K-** "Ow…ow ow…that hit my shoulder…"

**H-** "Why were we fighting again?" _**(E)**_

**-(Fujioka Haruhi)-**

"Hikaru and Kaoru have always played psychologically engaging identity games such as 'guess which one's Hikaru'." _**(E)**_

"It's once again time for 'Guess which one is Hikaru-kun!'" The twins announce to their customers, with caps on their heads.

"Eto…this is really hard…" the customer contemplates.

"The one on the right is Hikaru and the one on the left is Kaoru," Haruhi answers.

**-(Hitachiin Hikaru, Hitachiin Kaoru)-**

**H/K- **"We love Haruhi."

**H- **"We love getting the Lord jealous just as much."

**K-** "It really doesn't take much…" _**(E)**_

The twins each held one of Haruhi's hands and walked into the Third Music room.

Tamaki gasps. "Wha…wh-what is this?" he points, at the connected hands uneasily.

"Since we came from the _same_ class," Kaoru began.

"We decided to travel—together," Hikaru finishes, emphasizing 'together'.

Tamaki pulls them off. "Y-you can't do that!" He was bordering hysteria and hyperventilation.

"What not?" the twins each place an arm around Haruhi's shoulders, to aggravate Tamaki.

"Because _I'm _the father! I'm the only one that can hold Haruhi's hands," Tamaki backs himself.

**-(Fujioka Haruhi)-**

"Hikaru and Kaoru said something about hallway traffic and insisted that they held my hands…" _**(E)**_

**-(Suoh Tamaki)-**

"I'm the father!" _**(E)**_

"Welcome," the Host Club greeted the coming guests with their rainforest themed room. They dressed themselves as indigenous inhabitants of the rain forest.

The twins were carrying a bunch of bananas in their hands as they walked towards the cameraman.

"Want some?" Kaoru offers.

"No thanks I'm fine," cameraman Ton declines.

"Wow, I thought was going to pounce on them," Hikaru whispers to Kaoru.

"You know, the first part of losing weight is eating right…" Kaoru informs.

"Bananas are a great source of potassium…" Hikaru offers him a banana.

**-(Uno Ton, Baba Doi)-**

**T-** "(Sobbing uncontrollably)"

**D-** "There, there…"

**T-** "Th-they implied that I was a fat jiggly puff! (Hysterical cries)"

**D-** "You're just big boned, dear ole' big boy…woops…"

**T-** "You think I'm fat too!? (Pushes Baba Doi off the chair, and runs out crying)"_** (E)**_

**…**

**A/N-**

Here's an extremely short chapter. I didn't have much to add. Hope readers enjoyed, most of all!

(BTW, Thanks to the reviewers for reviewing of course, and for Melissax3, haha, maybe, just maybe there will be some implications…)

Next chapter will be even more fun!

Stay Tune for chapter 3- Common Dignity.


	3. Common Dignity

**…**

**Chapter 3-**

_Common Dignity_

**…**

Haruhi pours boiling water onto each other the Host Club member's instant cup noodle. They each place the lid back on right after she pours it in.

_Three minutes later…_

"Itadakimasu!" Tamaki announces as he peels open the lid and allows the steam out. He picks up his chopsticks and begins to slurp in the noodles. "Delicious!"

The twins on the other hand seem weary about trying the instant noodles. Anything involving artificial flavors doesn't sound healthy or appetizing for that matter.

Tamaki gives the twins a nudge and whispers, "Eat it, don't make Haruhi feel bad; this must have cost **a lot** of money to her!"

The twins nod.

"You were the one that said you wanted to eat instant noodles," Haruhi pointed out.

Honey slurps in his noodles sloppily. "It's good!" he exclaims in amazement.

"Haruhi, we've ran out of instant coffee. Thanks son," Tamaki informs commandingly between slurps of noodles.

**-(Fujioka Haruhi)-**

"Apparently, I'm in charged of getting 'common goods' in which the rest of the school would otherwise, never even take a second glance at." _**(E)**_

**…**

After a harsh journey walking to and fro the supermarket through the haze and humidity of the summer season, Haruhi was almost glad to be back in the Third Music room with the stereotyping rich-kids…

_She said that too soon…_

She thought it would be air-conditioned, but unfortunately, as she opened the doors of the Third Music room, a gust of warm air slapped her across the face. _Now that there is no legitimate reason for staying, she'll just be on her way—_

"Haruhi, you came in just in time! We're making paper mache!" Tamaki enthusiastically drags her in.

_Did the air conditioner break again? No, can't be; its brand spanking new…_

"We decided to take your advice to shut the air conditioner for the good of the environment," Tamaki answers, without knowing he is doing so.

"I suggested we use a fan…" Haruhi added wearily.

"A fan?" the twins raise an eyebrow as if they've never heard of such a thing.

**-(Hitachiin Hikaru, Hitachiin Kaoru)-**

**H-** "Those still exist?"

**K-** "They're archaic…" _**(E)**_

"We're making paper mache piggy banks!" Honey jeers perkily. Mori blows up a balloon for him.

"Now Haruhi can finally have a piggy bank," said the twins.

"I _have_ a piggy bank…" Haruhi defends.

"_Sure_ you do," Tamaki smiles sympathetically.

**-(Suoh Tamaki)-**

"Commoners have common dignity…the least I could do is let them keep it. I'll just play along to make her_—_ahem him feel like he really does." _**(E)**_

**-(Fujioka Haruhi)-**

"I really have a piggy bank." _**(E)**_

"Where are the customers?" Haruhi asks, looking around.

"They couldn't stand the heat," the twins answer as they poke at the bowl of paste.

**…**

Just as everyone was all sticky with glue as they overlapped paste-dipped newspaper strips onto the balloon, the doors of the Third Music room creaked open.

The Host Club paused and looked towards the door expecting to find a very-lost looking customer; instead, to their horror, it was the dreaded Zuka club of St. Lobelia.

"**Lobelia!"**

"Lobeliaa!"

"_Lobeliaaaah!"_

**-(Suoh Tamaki)-**

"Why? WHY!? Why must they keep coming!?" _**(E)**_

**-(Fujioka Haruhi)-**

"(Sighs, shakes head)" _**(E)**_

**-(Hitachiin Hikaru, Hitachiin Kaoru)-**

**H-** "Dykes…"

**K-** "We should blacklist them." _**(E)**_

**-(Haninozuka Mitsukuni, Morinozuka Takashi)-**

**M-** "They're kind of scary…"

**T-** "(Eye flashes, gets up from chair, and leaves the room)"

**M-** "Uh oh…Takashiii!" _**(E)**_

"Fine maiden, what have they done to you?" the very-masculine leader of the Zuka Club, Benio Amakusa, grabs Haruhi and dips her down.

"Haruhii…!" Tamaki exclaims in a cracked whisper, while the glue begins to harden around his fingers.

"Why are you even here?" Hikaru narrows his eyes.

"Go back to your own club," Kaoru frowns.

"Maiden, we shall bring you out of your misery and into our sanctuary!" the curly-haired Chizuru Maihara kneels before her on one knee, and grabs Haruhi's hand.

"Come with us on a hike up the mountains!" the last and youngest member, Hinako Tsuwabuki proposes.

"HAH! Bunch of morons…" Hikaru snickers.

"Like Haruhi would actually go with you," Kaoru smirks.

"Haruhi shall go!" Tamaki declares.

"Heeeh?" Haruhi couldn't believe her ears.

"Tama-chan!" Honey protests.

"Lord of the idiots!" The twins squawk.

"Tamaki…" Mori gives a calm warning.

"But she will be going with us!" Tamaki finishes his statement.

**…**

What a trip… The Host club was dressed in army-inspired camouflage as they hiked through the forests that lead towards the mountains.

Haruhi turned and looked back at the trail behind her.

"Where are Hikaru, Kaoru, and the cameraman?"

**…**

Hikaru blows on a whistle, letting out a shrill sound.

"Come on, come on!" Kaoru encourages impatiently to the heavily sweating and panting cameraman.

"Left, right, left, right…" Hikaru chants harshly

"Come on tubby, is that the best you can do?" Kaoru taunts, military style.

"T-t…tubby?" Uno Ton was close to tears as he seemed to recall bad memories.

**-(Uno Ton, Baba Doi)-**

**T-** "(In tearful rage) He said I was as big as a hippo!"

**D-** "(With bandage on head, from impact of the fall last chapter) Oh my goodness, you fat fart, he called you tubby! He said nothing about a hippo…"

**T-** (Gasps) Is that what you think of me? (Mouth quivers insanely, eyes widening scarily, nostrils flaring dangerously)

**D-** "Uh…look dude, that didn't come out right…I'm s-sorry. We're friends right, we can joke around… (Uncomfortable laugh)"

**T-** "You…called me…a fat fart. (Raises a fist, clutching tightly, allowing the veins to pop out underneath his skin)"

**D-** "(Scrambles up from chair and attempts to run)"

**T-**"(Sticks foot out, making Baba Doi fall flat on his face)" _**(E)**_

"T-tub…tubby—" Ton repeated in a squeak.

"Yes, Tubby, come on, get moving—ah!" Ton suddenly pounced towards Kaoru, making him trip and fall backwards down the slope. Ton fell along…

"Kaoru!" Hikaru rushed over in attempt to pull him back, but failed, ending up falling down himself.

**…**

_Meanwhile…_

**…**

Mori stopped in his tracks, certain that he heard something. He looked behind him.

"Takashi, is there something wrong?" Honey stopped as well, seeing that his cousin halted.

"Aa…we should go back," he suggests without dropping his aloof expression.

"It's taking them a while to catch up…" Haruhi adds.

**…**

Poor Kaoru acted as a cushion for Ton's fall, and Hikaru (the lucky bastard!) fell on Ton.

"Can't…breathe!" Kaoru coughed out.

"Holy shit, Kaoru, hang in there! Get off!" Hikaru exclaimed hysterically.

"OH my God! I'm so sorry man! I didn't know I was sitting on you!" the cameraman apologizes.

Kaoru coughs and takes deep breaths.

"No your flab was suffocating him—" before Hikaru can entirely release his rude and sarcastic remark, Kaoru, places his hand over Hikaru's mouth, and drags him away from Ton's hearing range.

"Hikaru be careful with what you say!" Kaoru warned.

"Why? He almost killed you!" Hikaru screamed in a whisper.

"If you don't want to get killed, you wouldn't make fun of him. He may have a history of aggression, for all we know. Did you see the way he pounced towards me after I called him a tubby?"

"Now that you mention it, he seems to have schizophrenia…or bipolar disease…"

"Or maybe obsessive convulsive disorder…Just don't say anything to trigger his aggression…"

Suddenly a bright light flashes around…

**…**

"Kaoru, Hikaru, where are you?" Tamaki calls out. The group followed behind Mori who trusted his instincts to find them.

Suddenly a high pitched 'Ooh ah' sounded from the trees. The group looked up, staring face to face with several pink faced, furry white monkeys perched upon the branches.

"Aw…look at the cute monkeys…." Tamaki walked closer to the nearest snow monkey.

"Sempai, I don't think you should do that…" Haruhi warned.

"What could these adorable little monkeys be capable of doing? Come Haruhi, you take a look at them too—" Before he could even turn around, the adorable little monkey pounced on him. The adorable little monkey wasn't so adorable anymore… "Ah! They just want to play, right cutie pie?" The monkey grabbed hold of his hair. "Ah, get it off!"

Haruhi and Honey attempts to pry the monkey away, but the monkey wouldn't let go of Tamaki's hair.

"Tama-chan, maybe we should just cut that part off," Honey suggests.

"Is…is there another way?" Tamaki struggles with the monkey clutching his hair tightly.

"Sempai, it's the fastest way," Haruhi pulls out a scissor, and brings it towards Tamaki's hair. It must have frightened the monkeys because the rest jumped down from the trees and picked up anything on the floor, ranging from fruits to pebbles. (**A/N-** Fruity pebbles!)

"Watch out!" Mori jumped in front of his cousin, taking the hit for him. The fruits and pebbles hit him on the head, knocking him over, eventually blacking him out. This caused a chain reaction as Mori and Honey fell like dominoes towards Haruhi, making her accidentally cut more of Tamaki's hair than she meant to cut.

The monkey jumped off and released the cut hair. Blossoms of yellow showered to the floor. Tamaki watched in horror as his beautiful golden locks kissed dirt.

"Tamaki…sempai…" the corners of Haruhi's eye and cheek twitched.

BEEP! A honking jeep scarred the monkeys away. Footsteps can be heard trampling through the dirt.

"Isn't that the Ootori private armed force?" Haruhi recognizes the team.

"We were ordered by the young master to follow closely. Your friends are in the squad car," the chief informed.

"Why didn't you come out earlier?" Tamaki asks, still moping about his hair.

"We were following standard procedures, sir!"

**…**

**-(Police Chief)-**

"(Loudly, orderly) Ootori Kyouya-dono ordered us through the internet to watch the Host Club." _**(E)**_

**-(Suoh Tamaki)-**

"(Holding a mirror, crying) Grow, please grow faster!" _**(E)**_

**-(Fujioka Haruhi)-**

"…Uh I'm pretty sure hair grows faster after being cut…" _**(E)**_

**-(Morinozuka Takashi, Haninozuka Mitsukuni)-**

**T-** "(With bandages wrapped around his head) what happened?"

**M-** "Takashi, you should have seen it! The monkeys were playing hockey and drinking tea!" (Note- Honey fell unconscious when Mori did, he did not see any of that.) _**(E)**_

**-(Hitachiin Hikaru, Hitachiin Kaoru)-**

**H-** "I'm glad we were saved before that cameraman can kill us in a pool of blood."

**K-** "Maybe we should send him to a psychologist…" _**(E)**_

**-(Uno Ton)-**

"What happened was…I tripped over a rock. That's why I fell on him. That was totally unintentional!" _**(E)**_

**-(Baba Doi)-**

"(With new bruise on forehead) I've known Uno Ton for 6 years. There's nothing wrong with him, but he is no doubt very sentimental." _**(E)**_

**-(Snow monkey from forest)-**

"(Holding a lock of Tamaki's hair) Eeh ee Oooh AH! (Translation- I love him!)" _**(E)**_

**…**

**A/N-**

Wow this is a weird chapter. It was totally different from what I meant for it to be. I was writing things as it came. Hope readers enjoyed!

Thanks to readers and reviewers!

Stay tuned for chapter 4- "Caffeine Kills"


	4. Caffeine Kills

**…**

**Chapter 4-**

_Caffeine Kills_

**…**

Honey is busily chomping down pastries as Tamaki coughs twice to get everybody's attention.

"As per request from our manageress, we must re-measure our three measurements for the upcoming photo-book in which she will publish," Tamaki announces. "I've called Kyouya about it, and he said okay as long as the Host Club benefits."

"Our three measurements?" Haruhi asks, verifying the matter.

"Ahem, yes, our three measurements," Tamaki coughs uncomfortably as a cover-up in case anyone asks about his gradually reddening face.

"We'll measure for you Haruhi," the twins volunteer.

"No! None of us are measuring!" Tamaki almost actually choked.

"I don't have to measure Haruhi to know that it's thirt—"Hikaru begins.

"Hikaru, don't say it, you'll give the Lord a nosebleed," Kaoru interrupts.

"Why can't we just submit the measurements for our costumes?" Haruhi suggests.

"Renge said that she wanted the most recent. Besides, we've done this plenty of times before, it's no big deal," Tamaki reasons.

**-(Baba Doi, Uno Ton)-**

**T-** "Are you getting them?"

**D-** "Nope, not at all. I don't get why Haruhi had to be specified. Body-wise, I don't think Haruhi has any extraordinary points, or ideal masculine measurements for that matter."

**T-** "You think there's some sort of homosexual attraction going on there?"

**D-** "It could be. Haruhi does have feminine features; I mean like…if Haruhi was gay and I was gay, not that I am, I would choose Haruhi."

**T-** "O_kay_… (Scoots chair away)" _**(E)**_

GASP!

"Oh my, that's almost 3 centimeters more!" Renge cried out after measuring Honey's waist.

"Huh? Is there a problem?" Honey asks innocently as he peels open a candy wrapper. Renge snatched the candy bar away from him. "Hah?" he looked at her with watery eyes.

"No more sweets until you lose those 3 centimeters!" Renge declares.

"Takashi…" Honey sniffles.

Mori closes his eyes and shakes his head. _I have shamed your honor…_

"Honey-sempai, it's for your own good…" Tamaki comforts.

"You've only recently recovered from your cavities," Haruhi adds.

"No offense, but with the way you're taking in sweets…" Hikaru warns.

"…diabetes could be next," Kaoru says scarily.

"Soon enough it will be five, ten, **twenty** centimeters!" Tamaki exaggerates.

"You don't want your stomach to hang out of your shirt, do you?" the Twins asks.

_Everyone is mentally placing Honey's head on Uno Ton's body._

"Stop it! I know what you guys are thinking. Stop it!" the cameraman demands.

**…**

A pouting Honey walks to the nearest Seven Eleven. He was supposed to run down here, as exercise, and to buy Diet drinks and granola bars.

He opens up the fridge doors and picks out some diet green tea, some diet coke, some vitamin water….hey they're bound to be good for you…

Then he looked over to the adjacent transparent fridge door. _Corona…Heineken...Budweiser…_**BEER! **

Honey stood there and thought for a moment. His so called good friends were so mean to him before! He'll teach them a lesson! He'll make them guilty, and regret all the things they said! He'll drink some beer and get drunk…or maybe pretend to get drunk and he'll make them feel bad!

Yea, great idea but—Corona, Heineken, and Budweiser lack the class…Aha…what is this…this beautiful blue bottle with interesting little bumps…_Bawls__ Guarana_. Ah, yes he'll just take that!

He went up to the counter to pay.

_That's weird, why didn't the guy ask for his I.D.?_ Oh well, it's a bad society out there…

He took a sip_. Hm…not bad_.

He took another sip. _Does beer really taste like this?_

He took a big gulp. _No wonder why there so many alcoholics out there…this is good._

For some reasons he felt fidgety…he even walked faster. Soon enough, he was no longer walking. He was skipping. Then he was jumping. Either he was going incredibly fast, or the world was on slow motion. _He didn't know. _He isn't even in the right mind to think it through coherently._ That's weird…he doesn't really feel like he's drunk_.

**…**

Back in the Host Club, just when all the customers were worrying about where 'Honey-kun' went, a series of bangs alarmed everyone in the room. The doors were closed, as not to let out the air conditioning. The Hosts approach the door with caution. Mori opened it casually—he _knows _it's his cousin.

A huge gust of wind rushed inside—or so they thought. It was Honey, as Mori rightfully predicts in his mind.

Honey was literally bouncing off the walls. Occasionally he would stop and show his martial arts prowess which makes everyone take a few steps back, earning himself more space to run around and more distance so it would take longer for the people to catch up to him. Everyone in the room was playing 'Catch the hyper senior'.

"What is Honey-sempai holding in his hands?" Haruhi squints.

"It looks like alcohol," Tamaki deduces, as he ran with the group of female customers who were trying to catch Honey.

Finally they managed to grab hold of one of his legs.

"It's Guarana!" Hikaru tries to pry it out of Honey's hands, but to no avail.

"What's that?" Haruhi blinks.

"It's a highly caffeinated drink. It must be the culprit beneath Honey-sempai's hyperactivity," Tamaki informs, trying to hold Honey still. Mori was holding him back tightly.

"But he drank less than half of it!" Kaoru says skeptically.

Somehow Honey broke free from everyone's grasp. He chucked down half of what was left in his bottle of Guarana down his throat. He lets out a burp.

He looks up to find a ceiling light which two switches that hung down. He seemed to be fascinated by it as he pulled on it repeatedly switching the light on and off. After about a minute, the lights burned off. Then he looked over at his audience and realized that a lot of the customers had ponytails, if not two. He stepped down and pulled on one, earning a shriek.

"Oh dear Princess, my deepest apologies!" Tamaki apologizes over and over to the victim of a customer.

Soon enough, Honey was chasing the customers down to pull on their ponytails. Eventually, the customers evacuated out the door. Mori closed it before Honey can continue his chase.

"Wah! Takashi open the door!" the hyper Honey kept scratching at the door.

"Mitsukuni, calm down!" Everyone shut up. The usually quiet Mori-sempai just added assertiveness into his statement. Whoa. _And it was directed towards his cousin too._ Double whoa.

"At least no one in here has long hair, or anything else dangly for that matter..." Haruhi sighs in relief.

"Actually…" Tamaki recalls thoughtfully. He looks over to the cameraman. Uno Ton grabs hold of his ponytail protectively with one hand as the other was occupied with the camera.

"No…no…c'mon don't…don't do this to me…" the cameraman backs away as Honey advances towards him. Honey ends up chasing the poor cameraman around in circles.

Just as Mori was about to save the poor soul, the twins stopped him.

"Don't, this is the best chance we have," Kaoru explains.

"We're killing two birds with one stone." Hikaru smirks.

"I can't …(huff)…do this (huff) anymore!" The cameraman collapses on the floor breathing heavily, shirt soaking wet. "I (huff) rather die than run (huff) another circle!"

"When's the caffeine going to wear off…?" Haruhi looks at the time.

Honey pounces toward the cameraman on the floor. Instead of tugging on his ponytail, Honey grabbed the cord on the back of the camera.

Blackness ensues on the screen.

**…**

**-(Baba Doi, Uno Ton)-**

**D-** "Wow Ton, you lost a whole lot of weight."

**T-** "I know. (Pulls out super-sized McDonalds and begins to munch on a Big Mac)"

**D-** "Ton…Ton, what are you doing?"

**T-** "I can finally eat whatever I want in bigger portions!" _**(E)**_

**-(Suoh Tamaki, Fujioka Haruhi)-**

**H-** "Why are we sharing a commentary today?"

**T-** "It's because everyone else does a double commentary, and we're the only ones that haven't done one."

**H-** "I see."

**T-** "Anyways, after the camera blacked out, the strangest thing happened…."

_**Flashback!**_

_Honey pulled off the cord on the back of the camera and continues to bounce around the room._

"_Be careful!" Tamaki warns._

"_Make sure he doesn't get in the bathroom," Hikaru advises._

"_He might pull and break some things," Kaoru wiggles his eyebrows._

"_Can you guys find a better time to be repulsive?" Tamaki asks pleadingly._

"_We were talking about toilet paper. What did __**you**__ think we were talking about?" the twins tease. _

_Tamaki sighs in defeat._

_Honey bounces around and knocks onto a dark, mysterious door._

"_Who goooes there?" a cold, trembling voice sounds through the door. The hairs on the back of Tamaki's neck stood up. He knows that voice…_

_The doors creaked open, and Dark magic Club president Nekozawa Umehito crept out with a dark cloud and shadow following him out. He raises his voodoo puppet, Beelzenef. _

_The hyper Honey crashes towards Nekozawa, who was able to avoid the hit by side-stepping, making Honey trip over his long dark cloak. _

"_He's possessed…by a DEMON!" Nekozawa says in a mystifyingly scary way._

"_He must be right! You can't hide from him! He knows…oh, he knows…" Tamaki was obviously taken in by the curse of Beelzenef. _

"_Lord, get a grip on yourself."_

_Then Nekozawa began to splash water on Honey's face._

"_Demon be gone!" _

"_Ugh…" Honey struggles to get up._

"_Look its working!" Tamaki points._

"_Actually, I think Honey-sempai is going through the 'crash' stage…" Haruhi reasons rationally. _

_ **End of Flashback!**_

**T- **"I'm serious...this guy knows...you should believe him..."

**H-** "I though we've established the fact that it _isn't _so..."_**(E)**_

**-(Hitachiin Hikaru, Hitachiin Kaoru)-**

**H-** "As we said before, we're killing two birds with one stone."

**K-** "Yup, I'm sure Honey-sempai lost his gains, and big Ton lost what he's rapidly gaining…"

**H-** "About Honey-sempai…he's really something…"

**K-** "If a lethargic Honey-sempai is fatal, and a hyper Honey-sempai is detrimental…"

**H-** "…we're only safe when he's eating cake…" _**(E)**_

**-(Morinozuka Takashi, Haninozuka Mitsukuni)-**

**M-** "(Occupying two chairs while his head rests on the seat) Takashii…what happened?"

**T-** "(Standing up) Nothing." _**(E)**_

**…**

**A/N-**

Ah yes, another strange chapter. The moral is: Don't take in so much caffeine. This story is actually almost over, believe it or not. Of course that won't be the case if I can think of more outrageous ideas…

Thanks to readers and reviewers! (Hope to hear more from you guys)

Stay Tuned for chapter 5- "The Real Father Figure"


	5. The Real Father Figure

**…**

**Chapter 5-**

_The Real Father Figure_

**…**

The Host Club was experiencing tough times. Ever since the Honey-Guarana incident, news spread that Honey went rampant. It was only a one-time thing, they didn't have to freak out and stop coming…

**-(Haninozuka Mitsukuni)-**

"Sometimes I would be walking in the hallways…"

_**FLASHBACK!**_

"_Oh look, it's Honey-kun!" elated female no. 254 pointed._

"_He looks so sad!" crestfallen female no. 168 grieved_

"_Let's cheer him up," female no. 254 suggested._

"_No," female no. 168 held female no. 254 back, "Remember what happened yesterday?"_

"_Right, I have these new chandelier earrings on too!" female no. 254 felt for her dangly new earrings. _

"_We best leave him alone," female no. 168 and female no. 254 walked away. __**(E)**_

"Good news everyone!—Kyouya is coming back tomorrow!" Tamaki broke the silence with ambiguous news that may or may not be a good thing. Sure it's great that their friend Kyouya is coming back; but would he be happy coming back to a customer-less Host Club?—don't think so. In fact, that would not only be a good mental slap in the face, it would also give him unnecessary stress in which the Host Club members tried to help him rid of when they sent Kyouya off to Honolulu.

Now wouldn't it be such a waste if he came back unhappy?

**-(Uno Ton, Baba Doi)-**

**D-** "This may sound heartless, but we don't want Ootori-san to come back."

**T-** "Truth is we're afraid of him."

**D-** "That's why we chose to ask the Host Club to be filmed _after_ he left."

**T-** "I don't know him personally, but I can't help think that he would refuse us."

**D-** "We're really sensitive. Once he refuses us, we'll be torn and hopeless."

**T-** "Now we can only pray that Ootori-san will go along with the Host Club and us." _**(E)**_

"We must win our customers back!" Tamaki declares. "Any suggestions?"

"You think Honey-sempai needs to give like a public apology? Sometimes on TV, celebrities give public apologies or at least an explanation…" Haruhi suggests, recalling the one time she was flipping through the channels and came upon Bill Clinton's apology speech on his scandal. _Oh, Americans…_

"Great idea Haruhi! You're in charge of writing the speech! Next suggestion!" Tamaki points to the twins.

"Well…we can host a ceremony to get customers to come back…" the twins suggest. "Or maybe we can give Honey-sempai a new image…"

"Good, good...Mori-sempai?" Tamaki looks over to Mori. Mori stood up quietly and walked towards the door without a word. "Did I say something wrong?"

_Someone was at the door; it's just that Mori was the only one that heard it._

Mori opens the door revealing a much disheveled woman with a baby in her arms.

"Aunt Ren-Ren!" Honey shouts and ran towards the scruffy woman. Her bun is nearly falling out of the elastic, with loose strands sticking out all over the place. She seems to be sweating profusely as she continuously glances towards the exit. She was jumpy to say the least, almost as if she had to pee really badly. Not to mention a bit crazed-looking.

"Takashi, Mitsukuni, take care of Shuichi-chan!" Aunt Ren-ren places the baby in Mori's arms and flees. _For some reasons it looked like the people in white were coming to take her into the 'Happy White Hotel'. _

"Aunt Ren-ren, where are you going?" Honey shouts after her.

"I'm going to catch that son of a –BEEP-" she screeches back, her foot already past the threshold of the exit.

"That can't be good for the baby…" Tamaki mutters.

**-(Morinozuka Takashi, Haninozuka Mitsukuni)-**

**M- **"Aunt Ren-Ren is the aunt of both Takashi and me."

**T-** "She was a law enforcer."

**M-** "Until she got pregnant…She was always complaining about how boring being pregnant is. She said that no one would let her do anything physical…like catch bad guys, so she ended up doing paperwork back in the station while she was pregnant. I guess she's just excited to go back to her old life…" _**(E)**_

Baby Shuichi sat on top of a coffee table, sucking on his thumb and playing with his toes while the Host Club stood in a circle around him.

"So you're Shuichi? You're so cute…" Tamaki pokes his chubby cheeks. Baby Shuichi makes little squeaky baby gurgles, then his eyes turn watery and soon he goes all out on a cry-a-thon. "You don't like that? I'm sorry!—don't cry…don't cry," the antsy Tamaki holds the baby towards himself and rocks gently up and down while patting his back. The baby won't stop crying.

"Lord if you would just leave him alone, he wouldn't have cried!" the twins complain as a father would to the mother, covering each others ears

"I'm doing the best I can!" Tamaki is near breakdown.

"Sempai, maybe he needs a diaper change…" Haruhi deduces.

"Do I really have to look…?" Tamaki says in hopes of getting out of doing it. Everyone else nods.

Suddenly a putrid stench makes its way into his nose. Then it spreads and soon enough the rancid odor was sufficient enough to engulf the entire room and everyone in it. Everyone scrunches up their faces and pinches their noses in attempt to prevent the flow of feces stench from getting in their systems.

"I think he needs a diaper change…" Tamaki concludes. He's almost sure everyone passing in the hallways smelt it too. "Somebody (or bodies ahemHitachiinsahem) please go buy diapers."

**…**

_In pharmacy…_

**…**

"Hikaru…which one is the right one…?" The twins stood in the entrance of the lane of diapers.

"We'll just get one of everything…" The Twins swept the products off the shelf.

**…**

"I thought sempai just said to buy diapers…" Haruhi says, eyeing the mountain-high pile.

"Those _are_ diapers," the twins insist.

"These are adult diapers," Haruhi picks one up. "…and these are female sanitary pads…"

"Has anyone seen Mori-sempai and Honey-sempai?" Tamaki looks around still holding the crying poop-maker.

"Tasukette!" Honey cries out from underneath the diapers. Mori dives in the sea of diapers to save him.

"I really don't think it's the right time for this…" the distressed Tamaki calls out.

"Well it does give a warning to keep plastic bags away from babies, children, and animals to avoid suffocation…" Hikaru reads the label.

"Would Honey-sempai fit into any of the mentioned…?" Kaoru asks thoughtfully.

"Guuuys…" Tamaki stutters out. "I-I think—I think he just made another batch…"

**…**

Sterilized scrubs—_check_. Latex gloves—_check_. Nose-pinching clip—_check_. Mask—_check_. Tamaki has everything he needs to perform this act—everything he _doesn't _need to change a diaper.

"Sempai, just treat it as if you are picking up after Antoinette…" Haruhi doesn't see what the big deal is.

"I _don't_ pick up after Antoinette…" Tamaki laughs sheepishly, but no one else was laughing. "Ah, I forgot! We need baby powder!"

"Here you go," Hikaru hands him the bottle.

"Good thing we remembered," Kaoru sneers.

**-(Suoh Tamaki, Fujioka Haruhi)-**

**T- **"I don't know why everyone is pushing me to change the diaper…"

**H-** "It's because you're always claiming the parental title. Also, I don't think anyone pushed you to do it…you kind of volunteered." _**(E)**_

Tamaki prepared himself mentally. Slowly, he peeled off the adhesive. The stench became more intense. Somehow he still managed to smell it even with his nose clip. He suddenly felt a need to hurl. He covered his nose and mouth. _Oh no, _he can't take it. He runs out the room, going past the peeking customers standing outside. _For some reasons, girls like that have a tendency to find babies like Shuichi cute, even when his dirty diaper is hanging out. _

The Host Club directs their attention back to baby Shuichi. _That's weird, wasn't his diaper off just a few seconds ago?_ Wait a minute…next to baby Shuichi was a diaper of feces wrapped up in a ball. _But who—_

"Mori-kun is so cool!" one girl at the door squeals.

"Not only is he so man, he's so caring and tender and nice!" Another girl adds to the compliments.

"You can tell by the way he changed the baby's diaper—and so quickly too!" A third girl praises adoringly.

"Did we miss something?" Hikaru mutters.

"I guess so…" Kaoru answers.

"Mori-sempai _did_ change the diaper. You can tell by the baby powder on his blazer," Haruhi observes.

"Mori-kun, teach me!" the customers outside run in towards Mori.

"Oh, our customers!" the freshened up Tamaki came back to a pleasant surprise.

**-(Haninozuka Mitsukuni)-**

"Takashi always had a way with babies. I don't know why. He rarely shows it though." _**(E)**_

**-(Hitachiin Hikaru, Hitachiin Kaoru)-**

**H- **"Honestly if we didn't know better…"

**K-** "We would have thought that Mori-sempai changed Honey-sempai's diapers." _**(E)**_

Yes, the baby is the key to winning back customers. _Crazy-hair-tugging-Honey who?_ Mori earned a whole lot of designation. _Hey, every girl wants a strong man that can do the dirty work_.

Somehow baby Shuichi goes loose and crawls around the room. He knocks into the table, making a _very _expensive vase drop and break into pieces. The frightened baby begins to cry.

"Aw, don't cry!" Tamaki picks him up and searched him for damages. "Mom will not like this one bit…" Tamaki sighs, looking at the fallen vase.

**-(Hitachiin Hikaru, Hitachiin Kaoru)-**

**H- **"Babies are evil."

**K-** "They do something wrong, cry, and make themselves the victim."

**H-** "It's as if it is the _vase_'s fault for falling." _**(E)**_

Haruhi attempted to feed the baby formula milk in a bottle. _Haruhi isn't much of a baby-person…_Shuichi must have thought she was playing a game with him because he refused to open his mouth when Haruhi pushed the bottle near him.

Haruhi's second attempt to feed the baby applesauce was a disaster waiting to happen. Shuichi continued to play his game of 'refusing the food'. After several tries, Haruhi finally got the applesauce into his mouth. Before she can heave out a sigh of relief, Shuichi spit it back out—onto her only uniform. The worst part was the giggles coming out of Shuichi. To Haruhi, it almost began to sound sadistic…

Just leave it to our silent hero, Mori-sempai to take care of things around here. He managed to get Shuichi to down his food by using the very old but effective trick based upon the fact that children wouldn't want something until you take it away. When Mori first offered baby Shuichi food, Shuichi blew spit bubbles. Then he stuck the food closer to his mouth but Shuichi turns his head to the side, refusing it. Mori then re-capped the little bottle. Seeing that Mori wasn't consistent on making him eat, Shuichi threw a tantrum, and thus it all works out…

Applauds came from audience of customers and Host Club members.

Honey was playing peek-a-boo with the baby, but the baby found the giant vase more interesting. Just as Honey covered his face, Shuichi crawled over to the giant vase, and kicked it. By the time Honey uncovered his face and went 'Peek-a-boo', the sound of glass breaking overwhelmed the room.

"Oh no…" Tamaki stressed.

Nope, Kyouya won't like this at all…but at least the customers are back.

**…**

"Thank you so much for looking after Shuichi-chan!" Aunt Ren-Ren bows, taking her baby into her arms. "I hope he wasn't a problem."

"No, not at all…" Tamaki assured with an undertone of uncertainty. _He's just being polite_.

"Aunt Ren-Ren, did you catch the criminal?" Honey tugs at his aunts pants.

"Yup! Chased him down 10 blocks! That son of a –"

"Aunt Ren," Mori interrupts before she can cuss out bad influence.

"Oh, Takashi! You take care—all of you!" She waved and turned back out.

**-(Suoh Tamaki, Fujioka Haruhi)-**

**T-** "How am I going to break it to Kyouya?"

**H-** "He's coming tomorrow…"

**T-** "We must replace the vases!" _**(E)**_

**-(Uno Ton)-**

"I have a secret to share. Another reason why Baba Doi doesn't want Ootori-san to come back is because he's jealous. Both wear glasses, but for some reasons Ootori-san looks so much cooler than Doi." _**(E)**_

**…**

**A/N-**

This is actually a pretty long chapter…well a little more than usual…I'm sorry for the wait. The next update might not be until July twenty-something because I'm going on vacation starting June 29th, and coming back July 22nd. I don't know if I will have time to type up the next chapter(s) during that period, so please be patient. (Of course, if I do get to type it up, then never mind about this note.) In the beginning when I made an outline for this story, the next chapter was supposed to be the last...It will continue to be the last if I cannot think of any more ideas.(ideas including good ole' Kyouya), but if I do, then there's more to come!

In this chapter I think I incorporated more of each character than usual. I hope I could do that more often in the future.

So, how was it, readers?

Thanks to all readers and reviewers, once again.

Stay tuned for the chapter 6- "(currently un-named)"


	6. Woe is Kyou

**…**

**Chapter 6-**

_Woe is Kyou_

**…**

_Honolulu, Hawaii_

Kyouya makes his way up his father's private jet. Finally reaching the entrance, he takes a brief glance back at the little island. There were dancing natives in coconut bikinis shouting good-bye over the loud engine. It makes him wonder…how much do they get paid? He goes completely in, and sits himself down.

The plane takes off. Suddenly he notices a piece of paper poking out of his pant pocket. He tugs it out and unravels it.

_We Love You, Mr. Kyouya Ootori.  
-Dancing coconut girls_

Now how did that get in his pocket…?

**…**

"Come on guys! I don't want to see a speck of dust around here!" Tamaki commands with a duster in his hands.

"Pretentious…" Hikaru grumbles under his breath.

"Slacker…" Kaoru mutters.

"I'm supervising," Tamaki appears behind the complaining twins. Then his eyes meet with a grey sack sitting in the midst of the room. Not only is it entirely out of place…it's completely disregarded. _Do they not see such a terrible sack in the middle of the room?_ "Hey, what's this? Why's this unattractive sack disrupting our beautiful room?" Tamaki points at the grey sack with his duster.

"Sempai, you put that there," Haruhi states bluntly.

"Yea, you were grumbling about something while you stuffed tons and tons of paper in it," Honey jogs his memory.

"Really…?" Tamaki takes himself back to that moment…

_15 minutes earlier…_

_Tamaki was walking around the room occasionally finding receipts seeped between cracks and furniture. He couldn't just leave them there for Kyouya to find. He must destroy all evidence of their expenses during Kyouya's vacation! _

_He collected those receipts and soon enough the accumulated pile reached up to his neck in his hands as he went around the room. He found that wretched old grey sack in which they used to hold their worn costumes. To his convenience, it was empty. He stuffed in the receipts and tied up the opening of the sack. _

_No it's not safe enough…of course!—a shredder! 'You're too smart, Tamaki,' Tamaki compliments himself. He goes to the supply room. He was walking and thinking at the same time about how to avoid suspicion and how to make it so that Kyouya wouldn't find out about how much money the Host Club basically threw into the fire and flames. He must make Kyouya feel happy to be back! The least he could do is to keep the place sparkly clean._

_By the time he reached the supply office…_

"_Wait…what did I come here for again?" Tamaki scratched his head and then spots a duster. "Ah yes, I have to clean…" He grabs the duster and leaves. _

…_And that led to the present time…_

"Oh yeaaa…I was supposed to shred that…" Tamaki laughs sheepishly. His phone rings with a ridiculous ring tone of an irritable voice repeating: 'Pick up the phone, pick up the phone, pick up the phoooooone'. "Hello? Oh hey—now?! Oh I see…have a safe ride…bye—" Tamaki pulled the phone away from his ear, a bit shaken. "He hung up on me…"

"Was that Kyou-chan?" Honey asks.

"Yes…and he's on the way here from the airport…" Tamaki informs. "Haruhi, be a doll run out and get me a paper shredder…"

"We can just rip it by hand—"

"J-just go….now, please," Tamaki was smiling very strangely—almost forced.

"Okay…" Haruhi walks out of the room.

"Haruhi, are you running?"

"Hai, hai, I'm going!" Haruhi grumbles.

"Everyone else please go back to doing whatever you were doing before!" Tamaki commands.

A few minutes passed and Haruhi still hasn't come back.

"Where is Haruhi?" Tamaki is walking in circles while biting his nail.

Haruhi finally comes back—empty-handed. She's catching her breath from running.

"So, where is it?" Tamaki eagerly reaches out his hand.

"The supply room didn't have it. I asked someone in there and he said that all the shredders are gone because the school is getting a batch of new ones soon…" Haruhi explains.

"We can't wait any longer! Mori-sempai it's up to you now," Tamaki says as if commanding a general.

"Hai," Mori steps out with a look of determination.

"Just rip it by hand!" the Twins irk.

"We can't…" Tamaki says flimsily.

"Why not?" Honey opens up the sack.

"They're all laminated…." _Oh…_

One reason why being rich isn't always great is that—you can't do things manually with all these new high-tech things.

"Scissors!" Tamaki snaps his fingers.

"We kind of don't have a pair," Hikaru reminds him.

"Logic says to go find one." Tamaki honestly replies.

"Why don't _you_ do anything?" Kaoru questions.

"Guys, please go find a pair of scissors." Tamaki demands in his sickeningly sweet but bitter way, with his forced smile.

"I'll get it!" Honey volunteers and skips out of the room.

"Let's just burn it," the twins suggest.

"That would make the smoke alarm go off," Tamaki was at the rambling level. "Not only would we get soaking wet like dogs in the rain, we would get suspended from school for starting a fire, PLUS we would still have to explain why we were burning it, and Kyouya would find out anyway. Besides the sprinkler system would probably extinguish the fire the moment it starts…"

Another few minutes passed…yet still no sign of Mori/shredder and Honey/scissor.

"I can't take this anymore…" Tamaki grabs the sack and holds it up high in the air.

"What are you going to with it? Haruhi asks.

"Throw it out the window!" Tamaki declares. Before he can start charging towards the window, the Twins grab hold of the bottom of the sack.

"No you idiot!" Hikaru snarls

"Then the whole school would know!" Kaoru grimaces.

"Just let me do this!" Tamaki pulls the sack towards the window.

The twins pull it back. "No!"

The three of them continues to pull in opposite directions for the next 2 minutes. The sack begins to rip but the three of them took no notice of it.

"Guys…the bag is ripping," Haruhi notifies, yet for some reasons the three of them couldn't hear her underneath the loud exchanges of "Let it go" and "No".

The door opens. With one last tug on both sides, the sack ripped in two, its contents flying into the air and slowly drizzling back down. Beneath the snow storm of receipts—Kyouya!—and he's not in Hawaiian prints, shorts, and sandals! One of the receipts slips between Kyouya's glasses.

"Tama-chan, Tama-chan, we got it—Kyou-chan…?" Honey and Mori stops in their tracks.

"Uh…nice tan…" Tamaki says to the twitching Kyouya. Kyouya's blood pressure rises from the depths of the Marianna trench to the peak of Mount Everest.

**-(Suoh Tamaki)-**

"Well, Kyouya has low blood pressure so even if his blood pressure _does_ rise because of us, it wouldn't be that bad, as long as he rises to the normal blood pressure, that is." _**(E)**_

At the moment Kyouya feels like jumping into an open flame, drowning in the ocean as ash, and suffocating his friends as smoke.

But of course, he knows they mean no ill-will. They were just trying to make it so that he doesn't break a major artery.

He isn't mad…he's just doing his part as vice-president of the Host Club. The only thing he could live without is the fact that they accepted an offer to be filmed for a ridiculous and tasteless reality show. First of all, a one-person filming crew?—they cannot be serious. Second of all, a two-people club in charge of everything from editing to filming?—preposterous! Finally, giving personal, sometimes one-on-one commentaries?—was he dead to them?

**-(Baba Doi, Uno Ton)-**

**D-** "What are we going to do?"

**T-** "I caught him eyeing my camera in a way that suggests predatory instincts. I know he wasn't looking at me because I look good."

**D-** "Definitely not…"

**T-** "What's that supposed to mean…?"

**D-** "It…doesn't mean anything…"

**T-** "Well, you know what Doi? You're just jealous because you look like an insect with your glasses but Ootori-san actually looks more intelligent with them!"

**D-** "Ton! I can't believe you! (Cries)" _**(E)**_

**…**

**A/N-**

Wow I can't believe I managed to finish this chapter so fast! I posted it up just before I left the house for the airport. I'm very happy! I hope readers are too! There will be about one or two chapters left. I'm off! Bye, readers! I'll be back in July twenty-something! Wait for me!

Thank you readers and reviewers; you don't know how happy you make me!

Stay Tuned for chapter 7 – "(untitled at the moment)"


	7. An Ineivitable Reality

**Chapter 7-**

_An inevitable reality_

**…**

Today couldn't be more beautiful with the sun showering radiance over the lush green grass. It was the kind of day that had just the right amount of clouds in the sky to keep the weather relatively warm but not hot. What better day to picnic on?

**-(Baba Doi, Uno Ton)-**

**D-** "He's on to us."

**T-** "But why; we haven't done anything bad."

**D-** "We're meddling in the club's business—that's bad. In fact…I think he kind of made it known the other day…"

**Flashback!**

"_Ah! Oo—ootori-san, what are you doing here?" I almost jumped out of my chair upon seeing the silently plotting man in spectacles. I couldn't see Ootori-san's eyes with the light reflecting off his glasses, and I was glad. In the back of my head, I held a strange belief that I would die if I looked him directly in the eye._

_When did he come in? Only I, the almighty Baba Doi can enter the control room. It's my little private place to edit. Now seriously…when did he come in? I can only hope it was __**after**__ I played an orchestra with my um…flatulence—for fun. Hey it gets boring sometimes…_

**T- "**Ew. That's disgusting man. Ugh…no wonder why it smells like rotten eggs…"

**D-** "Look it was just that one time okay? Can we go back to the flashback?"

_So then he basically demanded to see the tapes, without raising his voice, or saturating coercion into his tone. Well, the point is, I succumbed to his magical spell over me. _

**D-** "(Mouth quivering, close to tears) do you know what he said?"

**T-** "It smells bad?"

**D-** "No!"

"_This won't work," He said candidly. I asked him why, and his answers shot through me like poisonous arrows. He made me want to eat my words and regret ever stepping foot into the Third Music Room. "It's poorly documented, poorly filmed, and poorly edited. It's a poor idea in general." That was it. I think he went easy on me too. He got up and left me tears._

**D-** "(Sniffling)"

**T-** "And you're still crying…C'mon Doi, you knew it was coming."

**D-** "B-but he didn't have to say all those mean things! (Sob)" _**(E)**_

The Host Club was picnicking outside on the rollicking fields of cheery sun-kissed grass. It was a bit hot underneath the 19th century European outerwear, but the Host Club must not make it apparent. 19th century European outerwear meant men in tights—something very popular amongst the customers of the Host Club. It also meant fancy hats with feathers—Tamaki liked those.

"Tamaki-kun, if only you loved me as much as you love art!" A female customer cuddles up to Tamaki.

"Art is my passion, but you—you are my love," Tamaki hypnotizes her with a loving gaze.

"I'm sorry, your time's up. You may queue up again," Kyouya politely directs, trafficking Tamaki's customers.

_There were lines everywhere. A line for alone time with Tamaki, a line for a portrait hand drawn by Honey-sempai…_

"And a little of this…and a dab of this, and I'm done!" Honey turns the portrait towards the customer, and beams proudly.

"Um...it…it's cute," the customer studies the drawing peculiarly. _A stick figure with an egg-like head the size of a melon with curly brown frizzes lining the top of the head. Oh, and who could miss those red, bee-stung sized lips._ She just didn't have the heart to tell him, and she really couldn't with Mori-sempai giving 'no' signals in the background.

Honey hands her the portrait, still beaming. "You don't like it?" Honey droops down a few degrees.

"No! I love it! It looks just like me!" the customer assures, not wanting to make the 18 year old boy cry.

**-(Female Customer)-**

"(Close to tears, squeaking a pitch higher per word) Do I really look like that?"

**Uno Ton-** "Hey! You're not supposed to be here!" _**(E)**_

"Hikaru, father is beginning to suspect our relationship. We should stop seeing each other so often!" Kaoru dramatically turns his back towards his brother.

"No, Kaoru! It's too late. I can't stop seeing you, not after what we shared last night!" Hikaru wraps his arms around Kaoru from the back, resting his chin on his shoulders.

**-(Hitachiin Hikaru, Hitachiin Kaoru)-**

**H-** "We shared a pizza last night."

**K-** "We didn't want our dad to know."

**H-** "He's been suspecting us for weeks."

**K-** "But in the end, he found out, and we ended up having to share the last slice with him." _**(E)**_

"I'm so hungry," the cameraman grumbles, rubbing his protesting stomach. "I wish I had a burrito…"

Its 3 pm and lunch has already settled and made itself into waste waiting to be dumped. The Host Club served cute little delicacies, and the cameraman did not want to be ridiculed for gobbling up their fancy chicken scratch. In fact, he knew the Hitachiin demons would appear out of no where, and make him feel like a hippo the moment he lays a finger on the food. But darn; he's hungry and he can't help it—he has more cells than anyone out here, so he needs more food to convert to energy to satisfy those cells. He wasn't about to ravage their food supply. No, he'll show those demonic brothers.

"Ooh a burrito!" Uno Ton fawns, leaving his camera on a tripod for the burrito on a picnic basket. "Oh, that Baba Doi; he must've known I get hungry right around this time." The cameraman reaches out for the burrito.

Yoink!

A duck claims it.

"Give it back, I saw it first!" the cameraman attempts to grab the black duck.

"Quick, Kaoru, we have to get this on tape!" Hikaru and Kaoru run over to the camera, and face it towards Uno Ton and the duck.

"I'll call it 'Fat man wants his burrito back'," Kaoru holds the camera, following Ton as he stalks a duck.

**…**

"Eh?" Haruhi stares intently at a strange flashing light penetrating the surface of the pond from underneath. The tights they made her wear were uncomfortable. She didn't want to sit down and endure the stretching and tightening of the tights so she chose to stand. She has been staring at that light for the past few minutes. She couldn't really think of why there would be a light down there. Unless of course, the rich people decide that ponds need underwater lights so the blind fishies wouldn't bump into each other.

"Ah, my hat!" She turns around to see what Tamaki was fussing about. Apparently a gust of wind had blown his favorite fancy peacock feather hat into the air.

"Haruhi!"

_What now?_ Haruhi turns to the voice of origin, and the next thing she saw before falling into the cold murky pond was Uno Ton lunging towards the duck that just went into the pond.

Well at least she finally found out what that light was…Just a flashlight tied to a string with a rock to keep it underneath the surface. What the heck.

"Look at him…still after that duck…" Kaoru was in awe.

"If he didn't have so much baggage, he could be on par with Olympic gold medalists," Hikaru realizes in amazement.

Haruhi drags herself out of the pond. Not only are her tights clinging to her skin even more, but now her top is heavily absorbed in icky pond water.

"I'm going home early," she excuses herself. Suddenly a hat lands upon her head—a hat with feathers.

"Not so fast, young one!" Tamaki strikes a dramatic 'stop-pose'. "The Club activity must go on!" He huddles up with the drenched Haruhi as if letting her on a secret. "I've prepared a backup costume for you back in the Third Music Room."

"But I'm all wet…can't I go home early, just this once?" Haruhi negotiates.

"Aw…that's too bad, because we were going to bring out the caviar and the Éclairs...and your favorite…"

"Otoro?" Haruhi asks hopefully. Tamaki nods his head pleasingly.

"But it's too bad you'll be going," Tamaki mocks a sigh of remorse.

"Fine, I'll go change…"

"Ah good boy," Tamaki walks back to his customers.

"I got it!" Uno Ton raises the soggy burrito in the air, and does a victory dance in the water.

"Ah…I can see through his shirt…" Kaoru turns away in horror.

"And his man-boobs when he jumps…" Hikaru cringes.

"Ugh…" the twins agree.

"It's soggy…NOOOO!" The cameraman cries in realization. With his tail between his legs, he crawls out of the pond with the dead burrito in hand.

"You should go change," the twins suggest, covering their own eyes from the grisly sight of the cameraman in a wet t-shirt.

"You guys are so superficial!" Uno Ton bawls, running off in tears.

**…**

Uno Ton marched up to the changing room of the Third Music Room so that he could dry up and change. He pulled open the curtains revealing a woman in a tank top, struggling to put the top of her costume on. Once her head fought its way out of the costume, Uno Ton gave out a high pitched, horror-movie-esque scream.

"Oh My GOD, you're Haruhi!" Uno Ton points and continues to scream. Tamaki and the rest of the Host Club appear.

"What happened, were you screaming Haruhi?" Tamaki asks the fully dressed Haruhi.

"No, _he's_ been screaming the moment he walked in…" Haruhi clarifies.

"What happened?" Honey inquires.

"He's a girl!" Uno Ton squeaks out in his high pitched manner. "AH!" He continues to scream until he faints.

**…**

**-(Suoh Tamaki, Fujioka Haruhi)-**

**T-** "So…he found out about you being a girl…"

**H-** "Mm hm…"

**T-** "Did he see anything? Did he take advantage of you? Did a very pleasing emotion overcome his face? Just tell me! I'll kill him!"

**H-** "No, he didn't."

**T-** "Are…are you sure?"

**H-** "I told you, he began to scream. He was horrified." _**(E)**_

**-(Morinozuka Takashi, Haninozuka Mitsukuni)-**

**M-** "You think Mr. Cameraman is alright?"

**T-** "He'll be fine."

**M-** "But when he fainted, I heard his head knock onto the floor."

**T-** "He'll be fine."

**M-** "Saa…I wonder what'll happen…" _**(E)**_

**-(Hitachiin Hikaru, Hitachiin Kaoru)- **

**H-** "Wow, Big Ton has got to have the weirdest reactions…"

**K-** "Oh, I know. I know why he reacted like that…"

**H-** "Why?"

**K-** "Because Big Ton has never seen a woman almost a quarter naked, so when he saw Haruhi today, it must have surprised him because he's never even been that close to any woman before in his life."

**H-** "Oh, I have a better reason! When he was young, his mother was very scary, and fierce. The only memory he has of her is when she forces him to drink her breast milk. From then on, he became traumatized—in that whenever he sees a woman's bodice, even if it's just the collarbone, he gets scared."

**K-** "Wow that's pretty good…but can you beat this one...?" _**(E)**_

**-(Ootori Kyouya)-**

"(Sitting cross-legged, arms folded across chest)…Ja. (Smirk. Gets up and leaves)" _**(E)**_

**…**

Uno Ton blinks himself awake, adjusting his eyes to the light.

"How long have I been out…?" Uno Ton struggles to sit upright. After 2 unsuccessful attempts, he lays flat on the bed in defeat. "Ugh it feels like a week passed."

"Actually, it's only been 10 minutes…" Baba Doi points to the clock. "What happened?"

Seeing that it was just the two of them, Ton beckons Doi to lean in for a secret.

"Haruhi…is actually a girl." Uno Ton whispers.

The inconspicuous curtains opened, revealing none other than the Host Club, who deliberately eavesdropped. They were shaking their heads in their 'shame-on-you' manner.

"Ton-ton can't be trusted after all…" Honey looks at the cameraman in disappointment.

"I guess it's just as you predicted, Kyouya." Tamaki sighs distressfully.

"And to think we actually treated you good, jiggles…" the twins shrug.

"What…what are you talking about?" Uno Ton asked quizzically.

"You found out about Fujioka's secret and was very indiscreet in handling it." Kyouya explains.

"Indiscreet? I didn't tell anyone…except Doi…but Doi is good at keeping secrets, right Doi?" Doi makes an imaginary zipping motion across his mouth and throws away the imaginary key. "See?"

"I think indiscreet meant more of when you screamed so loud, we received a complaint from St. Lobelia…" Haruhi corrects.

"I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to return all copies of the tapes you have filmed of the Host Club. Our partnership is terminated from this point on. Any leak of information will result in massive regret to your party, so if I were you, I would not try to get even." Kyouya sums up.

"Oh…I get it…you just want us out, don't you?" Uno Ton accuses. "I could've kept that secret if you asked me to!"

"Oh no, Uno Ton…you're bad at keeping secrets. Remember the time you found out that I had a crush on that pigtail girl that sits in front of me in math class? You blurt it out to her, and she moved out of the country…" Baba Doi recalls, his tone turning shaky towards the end.

"Doi!" Ton yells at him in a whisper.

"Oh, I'm sorry Ton…" Doi scratches the back of his head in embarrassment.

"You—you know what? I've had just about enough of this treatment!" Uno Ton scrambled out of the couch he was resting upon. "And you guys," he points to the Hitachiin Twins, "have never treated me 'good'".

"Yea! We quit, and you guys can _take _the trash—or should I say tapes!" Baba Doi riveted himself up.

"Doi…you're insulting yourself _and_ me…" Uno Ton whispers.

"Oh...right, right. Those are precious…can we keep them?" Baba Doi asks.

"No." Kyouya answers in a split second.

"Of course…" Baba Doi nods.

"I guess we'll just be on our way…" Uno Ton tugs at Baba Doi to go. Mori stood at the door, preventing them from leaving. The two turn around, to find that in less than a second, the room has turned into cathedral, and Tamaki became a priest standing before a scaffold, holding the holy bible.

"Uno Ton, Baba Doi, do your swear to secrecy upon the Holy Bible?" A Strange light shone down from the ceiling.

"Uh…" the pair began.

"Three fingers swear please…" Tamaki demonstrates.

"Wait…why do we have to do this?" Uno Ton asks incredulously.

"Oh…because if you don't…then we don't have any choice but to invite the school to see this _oh-so_ entertaining tape…" Hikaru pulls a tape out from the back.

"What's that…?" Uno Ton gazes suspiciously at the tape and attempts to grab it, but fails.

"How about you see for yourself…" Kaoru pops the tape in and the screen of the television lit up.

"_Give me back my burrito, you stupid duck!" Uno Ton on the screen was trailing behind and screaming at the duck. He was heaving and panting, pointing at the duck, but he couldn't speak. The duck seemed to stop and wait for him to catch up._

Kaoru stops the tape. "Do you want to continue? A little later, there's this take where you got so happy when you got the burrito that you made out with the duck—"

"We swear to secrecy, before the Holy Bible." Uno Ton and Baba Doi swore, raising three fingers in the air.

**…**

After exchanging tapes with the Host Club, Baba Doi and Uno Ton walked across the new race track.

"For some reasons…it feels like all that happened today was planned…" Uno Ton sat down on the grass to rest. He gasps. "Oh my God, do you think Ootori set me up?"

"No," Baba Doi gasps. "He didn't! Did he?"

"You think he did all that deliberately?" Uno Ton rubs his chin. "And trained that duck to steal the burrito you sent me?"

"I never sent you a burrito." Baba Doi denies. Both of them gasp.

"Well…nothing we could do…" Uno Ton shrugs. "What do we do now?"

"Find someone else to videotape?" Baba Doi suggests.

"You mean like that suddenly unpopular car racer…" Uno Ton points to the boy sitting on the stands.

"Yea, then we can make a moving documentary about him and make our club known to all of Ouran!" Baba Doi enthusiastically plans.

**…**

**-(Suoh Tamaki)-**

"Well…I'm really going to miss this…but I guess Kyouya is right. We can't let our customers see this. We've given out too many secrets in these commentaries…"

**Fujioka Haruhi-** "Sempai, you do realize that the camera is not there anymore and that you're pretty much talking to a wall...right?"

**…**

**A/N-**

That's the end. Not as funny as the other chapters but definitely longer than any other. This actually took up 9-10 pages on Microsoft word. I'm very proud of myself. Now that I have this last chapter off my chest, I think it's about time I start on my real assignments that I have not touched since it was handed out on the last day of school…

Thank you readers for reading it to the end

I apologize for the extremely long wait. Hope to see you next time, on my next story!


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